1. Free milk at work – don’t need one do you? The firm pays for milk …. except that come 2pm it’s all gone. And why? Well, it’s Freya isn’t it? The Louboutin wearing “hard up” graduate who uses it all on her bloody cereal. Lock some away for your afternoon tea and savour listening to her whine.

2. The romance of a new house-share: Ahhh it’s week 1 and they are sooooo nice! Always popping in to see how you’re settling in. Week 3 and you’re wishing they’d knock first. Week 5… you’ve changed your lock… as you don’t remember leaving that severed horse head in your own bed. Week 6 and it’s serious – your milk is definitely going down when you’re out of the house. Lock them out of your life for peace, harmony and enough milk for your breakfast. And then move house.
3. It’s coming up Christmas… Secret Santa eh? One more hilarious “Stay calm and drink tea” mug and you’ll have a full set. Buy people something which will actually help them keep calm – UdderLok a genuine stress reducer. Maybe, if they like you, they’ll buy you one too….
4. Help the police: Milk theft could be Britain’s most prolific unreported crime. Imagine if people started reporting it? The police would be forced to act, leading up scores of other crimes going unsolved. Anarchy would ensue.
5. Kill the germs: We’ve no idea if ‘Weird Colin’ in the office is drinking directly out of your milk carton… he looks the type. So stop people interfering with your milk with their grubby, germy fingers (and mouths?) and lock them out with UdderLok
So whatever your reason, why not aim for a life less annoying and treat yourself or a friend to an UdderLok?